By Your Side
by CUtopia
Summary: Somehow she couldn't bring herself to walk away. Her feet seemed to be glued to the pavement and she kept staring at the entrance to One Hogan Place, unaware of the people passing by in front and behind her. - Post 'Know It All'. Barson.


My idea of how the last scene of 'Know It All' continued.

I hope you like it, I'm looking forward to your opinions! :)

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 **By Your Side**

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 _Maybe I can't stop the downpour, but I will always join you for a walk in the rain._

\- Unknown

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There was something deeply unsettling about the way Rafael's green eyes gleamed with tears as he turned around in front of One Hogan Place, looking at her. Usually, those eyes were full of confidence and determination; sometimes they twinkled nearly mischievously when he smirked, and during their private conversations, they were almost tender and affectionate.

But now all she could see was anxiety, laced with a little bit of panic, and the tiniest bit of hopelessness. This situation wasn't under his control, and fear deepened the lines on his handsome face.

It seemed so wrong; Rafael Barba was nobody who gave up easily, he always fought until the end, even though he knew that it would probably be in vain. Sometimes he jokingly blamed her for making him take the cases that didn't look promising at all, but by now it wasn't just because of her anymore.

Her heart clenched painfully as she saw him like this, his shoulders threatening to droop in defeat, and she desperately wanted to say something, _anything_ that would keep him from losing his hope and expecting the worst.

However, her mind was completely blank, and she felt like she was failing him. He needed support, something that gave him strength, and she just stood there, letting his worries seep into her. Their gazes were still locked as she lifted her shaking hand and placed it over her heart, hoping that he understood what she tried to express – that she would always be there for him, that he wasn't alone, even though she couldn't accompany him to the meeting with the DA that would decide his fate.

When he gave her the tiniest of nods, like he always did in the courtroom, Olivia felt at least a little bit soothed by this familiar gesture, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Rafael turned and walked towards the entrance doors, head held high, but she knew that inwardly, he was terrified. His job was his life, just as it was for her, and she was sure that she knew what was going on inside of him right now.

He vanished from her view and it would have been time for her to go back to the precinct to try and get some paperwork done while she waited for a call or message from Rafael. But somehow she couldn't bring herself to walk away. Her feet seemed to be glued to the pavement and she kept staring at the entrance to One Hogan Place, unaware of the people passing by in front and behind her. The traffic noise seemed to fade away and she heard her own breathing louder than normal, paired with the hard pounding of her heart against her ribcage. And somehow, she lost her sense of time; she had no idea if she'd been standing there for a minute or an hour.

Olivia had been trying to keep Rafael from seeing how scared she was inwardly. She'd felt like it wouldn't be appropriate to do so, when he already was so close to losing it himself. It probably wasn't really supportive to join in on the fear that he could be fired for what he did all those years ago.

Also, she felt like it was little bit selfish of her to think about what would happen to her if the DA threw him out, or worse, took his admission to the bar away. Rafael was the best ADA she'd worked with in quite some time, and despite their disagreements from time to time she felt like they were a very effective team. He fought just as hard as she did, wasn't afraid to try and get a verdict even though the case seemed hopeless. Most other ADAs probably wouldn't even consider to take those cases to court, but he did, because he wanted justice for the victim.

And Olivia had to admit to herself that she'd gotten used to him in a way that she probably shouldn't have. Over the years they'd grown closer, overcome some crisis, and they'd always managed to build up their friendship again.

She couldn't imagine a life without him anymore.

Therefore it felt terrifying to think about it now, knowing that him being forced to leave was a very possible outcome.

So many different feelings were whirling around inside of her, and she found it impossible to bring order into the chaos, to determine why this fear seemed to paralyse her and why her heart was clenching painfully at the thought of not seeing him nearly every day. A world without their coffee breaks, their squabbling about warrants, their late night dinners, drinks and work sessions at her place seemed like a darker one.

The life in New York City went on around her like always, oblivious of the tragedy that was holding a few lives in its iron grip, and Olivia had no idea for how long she'd been standing there in front of One Hogan Place, dreading the moment Rafael would come out. And when he did, her heart seemed to stop for a moment.

His eyes widened in surprise as he lifted his gaze off his phone, slipping it into the pocket of his coat as he stopped, standing opposite to her. For a very long moment they just looked at each other, and Olivia desperately searched for a sign on his face that showed how the meeting had went. Rafael still looked slightly defeated, the lines on his face just as deep as they'd been earlier, but the expression of fear had disappeared from his green eyes, and it gave Olivia hope.

He took a few very deep breaths, as if to collect himself, then he crossed the distance between them, moving through the stream of pedestrians seemingly effortless. When he stopped in front of her, Olivia gulped hard, her heart racing in her chest, and she asked him in a quiet and tentative voice: "How did it go?"

Exhaling a deep, shaky breath he took his time to formulate his answer, as if he didn't quite believe that it was true yet, and this behaviour caused Olivia's fear to spike momentarily.

"The DA said that he thought about firing me. But then he had a closer look at the situation, and now I'm on probation for a year. I'll come back to work on Monday."

Relief was rushing down at her at his words and she inwardly screamed in joy; he'd gotten away with a black eye, the DA had seen that Rafael had tried to do the right thing... Before she could stop herself she closed the last bit of distance between them, threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a tight hug. Her mind was spinning as the fear fell off her and was replaced by happiness; Rafael's body stiffened in surprise about the sudden contact, but only a second later he slung his arms around her.

As he held on to her, Olivia could feel the tension slowly leave his shoulders, and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy being so close to him. Rafael seemed just as comfortable as she was, as he didn't pull away either, and so they stood there for some time, unaware of the world around them.

"You're not getting rid of me," Rafael suddenly whispered into her ear, his tone light and jokingly, his warm breath tickling her skin, and a shiver ran down Olivia's spine. A small smile stole its way onto her face and she could feel tears of joy burning in her eyes, but she forced them down.

"That's good. Who would I squabble with if you were gone?"

"And who would get you those warrants and take wobbly cases to trial for you?"

Their embrace continued to be close as they both chuckled, the sound vibrating through their bodies; neither of them was aware that they'd been hugging for longer than what would be deemed as normal for friends and colleagues, but they probably wouldn't have cared anyway.

They were both just so relieved that it was over, that they'd been spared the worst case scenario... that they wouldn't be separated. Also the embrace was so comforting, it felt so right to be close, inhaling the other's scent while their body heat mingled, shielding them from the crisp winter air.

When they finally let go of each other it was with great reluctance, and Olivia was still holding on to Rafael's forearm as she smiled at him. His expression was more relaxed now, and he returned her smile softly, their gazes locking, and the small shiver that ran down her spine gave her the courage to suggest: "Shall we go and celebrate? I don't know about you, but I'd love for the week to end with some pleasant moments."

"Hm... I don't really feel up to a drink," he replied with an apologising expression, but Olivia only smirked.

"That's not what I meant, really."

Rafael gave her a puzzled glance before she hooked her arm through his and pulled him with her as she slowly started to walk down the street. "Trust me on this one, Rafael."

Her face only lit up more as they walked and she realised how much she loved to say his first name, wondering why she hadn't done it more often. It was so soft on her lips – and also he seemed to like it, too.

Maybe she should call him Rafael more often in the future.

OoO

"I can't believe they just let Pippi Longstocking live alone in that house. Noah, I hope you're not making her into your role model," Rafael said as the end credits of their third episode of the 1969 Pippi Longstocking series rolled over the screen. Olivia chuckled while eating the last slice of the pizza they'd grabbed on their way to her apartment, and Noah grinned before stating that he didn't have enough space for a horse in his room anyway.

"Though not growing up certainly does sound promising, doesn't it?"

"But I don't wanna stay so small," Noah replied while looking up at Rafael, clutching his teddy bear – who was wearing Rafael's tie – a bit tighter. "And Aunt Amanda said when Jesse and I are bigger I can take her on the monkey bars with me. She's too small now, so I want her to grow! I gave her chocolate milk because Uncle Sonny says it makes her grow."

Rafael couldn't put into words how adorable Noah was, and so he just smiled at the boy and while Noah ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth, Rafael mumbled to himself: "One day you might wish you still were a child."

Olivia shifted towards him and rested a hand on his forearm; he'd taken off his suit jacket when entering the apartment and before the pizza he'd rolled up his sleeves, taken off his tie and opened the top buttons of his dress shirt. His skin was warm under his fingers and she gently let her thumb glide over it in a soothing motion. He lifted his head and she smiled at him before pulling him in for a hug, whispering soothing words into his ear until Noah came back to the living room with his favourite book.

"I'll be right back," she told Rafael before standing up and taking Noah's hand. The little boy waved at Rafael happily and it warmed his heart in a way he'd never experienced before.

Rafael had to admit that he'd been sceptic when Liv told him that they would grab a big pizza and then go to her place for celebrating that he got to keep his job, but now he knew why she'd done that – Noah had lifted his spirits in a way nothing and nobody else would have been able to. Maybe it was the boy's innocence and airiness, or just the fact that he didn't know about all the things that had happened in the past days and thus acted completely normal around him.

But in the end he didn't really care what it was, he was just grateful that Liv had decided for him that he needed a good dose of Luigi's pizza, Pippi Longstocking and Noah's laughter instead of a tumbler of scotch or a lonely dinner at his place. Olivia had been his anchor in the storm the moment he'd told her the truth, had been by his side to show him that he wasn't alone, and he didn't want to imagine what his mental state had been without her. Her hand on his back had kept him from giving in to the fear that had been closing its icy fingers around his heart.

About twenty minutes later Olivia came back from Noah's room, tip-toeing away from the door, and smiled at Rafael as she came over and sat down next to him, her thigh brushing against his. "Noah asked if you could come over for pizza more often. I think he noticed we always eat pizza when you're over."

"Call me the pizza man," Rafael said and the grin that stole its way onto his face was completely honest and so carefree that he was surprised about himself. "Sorry for ruining your son's diet."

"It's not that dramatic, Lucy cooks very healthy meals for him, so he can handle the occasional pizza," she replied softly and bumped her shoulder against his. "So feel free to visit us more often. You got yourself a little fan."

Turning his head his expression softened and before he could stop himself his current thought slipped out of his mouth. "I would like to."

They just looked at each other for a long moment, so many unsaid things hanging in the air between them, and then he gently placed his hand over hers. "Liv... thank you for everything. I don't know ho..."

"You don't have to do anything in return." Her voice was quiet but firm, and she squeezed his hand to emphasize her following words. "I'll always be by your side."

Rafael wanted to tell her that he would be there for her too, whatever might happen, but somehow he couldn't get the words out, gazing at her, and she smiled – she knew what he thought. And somehow he also felt like words weren't enough to express what he felt, and so he pulled her into his arms, closing his eyes as her arms wrapped around his waist and she leaned her whole body into his, her head coming to rest against his shoulder.

It felt so right and comfortable that he didn't think about moving, not even when she fell asleep against him after some time. Careful not to wake her he shifted into a position that was more comfortable to them both and closed his eyes, imagining how it would be to be able to do this every evening after work. Come home to eat dinner with Noah and her, watch some cartoon or child series or movie with him, then cuddle up on the couch with the woman he... loved.

In this moment Rafael swore himself that he wouldn't wait any longer, that he would take the leap that he'd been so afraid of in the past years. The past days had shown him that there was no time to waste, that things could be taken away from him within the shortest amounts of time, and if there was one thing he didn't want to lose, then it was her.

He would come over for dinner more often, and when the excitement about the hacker had died down he would ask her out. Taking a deep breath and inhaling the faint scent of her perfume he found it easy to drift off into a light slumber, a small smile on his face – mirroring the one Olivia had on her lips.

THE END


End file.
